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You Know a Band Should Retire When ...

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$$PAGE$$you-know-a-band-should-retire-when - msn-Superfan
 YOU KNOW A BAND SHOULD RETIRE WHEN ...
Merlin Characters - Merlin TV Show
In the blog, I polled you on the question "When should a band or artist give up and retire?" Now I want to know what YOU think qualifies as a band or artist's jump the shark moment. When do you know a band needs to be put on life support? Click EasyEdit above to add your thoughts to the list!


A band might need to call it a day if...
  1. The band releases an acoustic greatest hits album, or an album with orchestral backing.
  2. The band hires its third lead vocalist.
  3. The band ends a major-label deal "Greatest Hits, Vol. 1" compilation.
  4. Members file suit against each other.
  5. The band hires a member's wife or girlfriend as manager/publicist.
  6. The band recruits new vocalist via online contest or reality TV show.
  7. Any member reaches age 60.
  8. Band member undergoes gender reassignment surgery.
  9. Band member dies onstage.
  10. Fewer than 50 percent of founding members remain.
  11. They've gone from playing sold-out arenas to suburban dive bars.
  12. They can't remember the words to there own songs.
  13. Any of the band members acheive #7 and/ or fall off the stage or both.
  14. They release Death Magnetic
  15. The tour bus gets reposessed
  16. When their hair line is covered by a headband that is thicker than a scarf!
  17. The founding members hire new band members that try to look like the original band members by wearing their make-up and costumes that the original members came up with, instead of coming up with their own personnas. Tommy is NOT Ace, and Eric is NOT Peter!
  18. The band joins other bands for a tour and the tickets still cost less than 50.00 for the 4 hour long palooza
  19. Thier kids have a band that's more popular than theirs ever was
  20. The lead guitarist replaces the very popular base player with his teenage son... and rehires a singer he hates
  21. Tours must be scheduled around surgery for replacement of anything....knee, hips, hair follicles.
  22. Members start doing self-parody TV commercials.
  23. When members start looking like your Dad's war buddy that you always avoided.
  24. Your bands lead singer pours water over his head to hide the incontinence.

  25. The band makes more money on merchandise than on album sales.
  26. Every tour for the last 10 years is billed as the "Farewell Tour".
  27. The band makes more money on merchandise than album sales.
  28. The band is introduced as "living legends."
  29. When the guitar and mic stands double as walkers.
  30. When they make an exclusive deal with WAL-MART
  31. When a certain lead guitarist sends his lawyers out looking for anyone that paints stripes on their guitar and threatens legal action because he doesn't have enough money already. His sells for $25,000. WTF!
  32. They make a GUITAR HERO just for your band.
  33. You start selling coffins with your bands name and image on it.
  34. Your tribute band is your opening act.
  35. Cadillac wants to use your music for a commercial.
  36. You're invited to be a celebrity contestant on a game show.
  37. You're in any way involved in a reality TV show.
  38. The girls in the audience head home by the second set, because the babysitter has to get home.
  39. You can't remember what city you're in, but this time, it's not because of the drugs or booze.
  40. They either have a prescription for Viagra or are in a commercial for Viagra.
  41. One of your songs becomes part of the regular rotation at football and basketball venues.
  42. You have your photo taken with Bono
  43. You're considered for anything whatsover by the Grammy Awards
  44. You tear your shirt off in concert, and the audience gasps!
  45. When average non-professional singers (Kareoke for example) can do better covers than you can of the songs that initially made you famous all those years ago.
  46. When doing an interview te lead singer removes his hat/beret and the toupe comes off with it !
  47. When any country singer covers your music.
  48. you see a dead-head sticker on a cadillac
  49. When it takes 3 years or more to release a
    "new" album
  50. When the original members are the same age as your grandparents. (God rest their souls).
  51. When you're so out of it you walk into a descending set on a televised awards show
  52. When the hottest girls at the show are the same age as your kids from your first marriage.
  53. when the only original member is the drummer.
  54. The band substitutes drugs for religion.
  55. The band members are still using drugs like peyote and Milltown
  56. You start doing soda commercials...with your kid.
  57. Your Grampa knows the lyrics to all their songs.
  58. When the lead singer needs que cards to remember the lyrics that they have been singing for over 35 years!
  59. NEVER- Rock on!! You've earned it.
  60. When there are more doctor's visits while on tour for brittle broken bones than veneral disease checkups.
  61. When people mistake your lead singer for Joan Rivers. (Stephen Tyler looks like he is melting)
  62. When you hear their #1 hits on the overhead speakers at the grocery store.
  63. When you have to make a surprise appearance at your guitarist's solo show to announce that you haven't quit the band.



  64. <Add to this list by pressing the Easy Edit button above>




Ozzy Osbourne and Zakk Wylde

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LAST UPDATE BY PDFREEMAN AT 11/12/2009 6:35:41 AM
Post a comment
Comments (35)
SkorpionMoon
OCTOBER 26 12:59:02 PM
When the roadies get paid out of the band members' monthly social security checks...yeah,time to realize your greatest hits from now on will be on the shuffleboard court.
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miamiderek
OCTOBER 21 8:36:54 PM
I wish this weren't true, but it is. You know an artist/band's future recordings will be crap when the individual(s) quit taking drugs. This applies only to the hardest of partiers. Eric Clapton, mixing coke and heroin liberally in 1970, created the masterpiece "Layla and other assorted love songs". It remains one of the 5 greatest rock n roll recordings ever, and was unquestionably Eric's musical high water mark. Soon after the album's release, Clapton, after I'm sure numerous near death experiences, quit the slam and the toot for good. What followed next was the laid back, meek "461 Ocean Blvd". Every album afterwards, for the next 28 years, was more lifeless than the last. On the lesser artist scale, 70's hard rockers Aerosmith were known as 'The poor man's Stones' but could be counted on to kick out the jams both live and in studio, with buzzsaw classics like "Sweet Emotion", "Walk this Way", "Train kept a-rollin', and much more. When the entire band decided to sober up, they released the abysmal "Down with Mirrors", their obviously-titled paean to lovin life sober. They then tortured the rest of us with a slew of mainstream hits, such as "Love in an Elevator"(ugh), "Dude looks like a lady"(double-ugh) and saddest of all, that theme from the cinematic cow patty 'Armageddon', "I dont wanna miss a thing"(Please God kill me). At least Stevie Ray Vaughn and members of Lynyrd Skynyrd never ruined their legacies after they quit the swag. They just died in plane wrecks, sad but far nobler.
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BigCatH
OCTOBER 21 7:56:34 PM
When their old hits are on classic rock stations but their new hits are on soft rock stations
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BSF10
SEPTEMBER 29 8:59:45 AM
When casinos in the midwest won't book the band anymore.
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BSF10
SEPTEMBER 29 8:58:14 AM
a roadie has to be recruited to smash the guitar so the guitarist won't throw his back out again.
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onelonesapper
SEPTEMBER 25 8:20:54 PM
when the band your in starts playing different tunes
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joemak
SEPTEMBER 25 3:32:33 PM
When your band's earlier hits are played ad nauseum on the "Classic Rock" station
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Music Critic 1
SEPTEMBER 23 5:16:38 PM
They release a Greatest Hits album after only releasing one album.
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Guitar Maker
SEPTEMBER 23 2:25:18 PM
When the songs the band plays become to good.
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Tim Doyle
SEPTEMBER 23 8:41:59 AM
NEVER-Rock on!!!!
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