When Ashlee Simpson's dad isn't defending her honor, he's yapping about a very personal and delicate subject she has long taken pains to tiptoe around.

Joe Simpson attempts to downplay his reputation as a squicky, string-pulling Svengali by pointing out to FOX News that he had no say in his overhauled daughter's heretofore-unconfirmed nose job last year.

"Girls have their own ideas," he explains. "Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured."

Back in May, the Pete Wentz-snuggling warbler sidestepped the plastic surgery subject in a sit-down with Harper's Bazaar, instead offering platitudes such as, "I'm a happy person, and I'm happy with my looks."

As for his pride and double-D-joy Jessica, Papa Joe is still talking about her glory days as Mrs. Nick Lachey, insisting he harbors no ill will toward her ex.

"But they got married very young," he says. "I told Jessica, 'You're going to hit an age when it's all going to be clear to you -- life that is -- and you'll know what you want to do.'"

Besides, adds Joe, who as her manager helped lead her to tabloid-topping infamy, "I do blame 50 percent of their breakup on the media."

The former minister also serves up a heaping helping of hubris, boasting that his kids have avoided the Britney-like pitfalls of fame because of a constant parental presence.

"We have a real family," declares Joe. "You can't just put these kids out in the world and they're on their own. I can remember a time when Jessica was singing at Madison Square Garden and her outfit ripped before she went on. We were there for her."

Cue the swelling music ...

Heidi Montag at the '07 MTV Movie Awards (Steve Granitz/WireImage.com)

Anyhoo, in other plastic surgery news, Heidi Montag's ill-founded 15 minutes of fame just got an extension courtesy of her bulbous boobs, pared-down proboscis and the folks at Us Weekly, who feature her on the latest cover under the headline, "Revenge Plastic Surgery."

The future Mrs. Spencer Pratt (good luck with that, honey) sniffs that she's always been "very insecure" about being "less than an A-cup" and sporting a "huge" nose, which, unlike everyone else on the planet, she "could see" when she "looked down."

The poor, flat star of the ironically named series "The Hills" was also "tormented" by cruel taunts ("If you nailed two nails in a board, they would be bigger than you are"), something she no longer endures (well, at least about her chest and beak) following her April 2 makeover.

Heidi, 21, who not so coincidentally is attempting to launch a music career, describes the day of her surgery as being "like Christmas," except instead of sugarplums dancing around in her head she was thinking about how her augmented breasts might literally be to-die-for.

"Right before I went in, I was like, 'What if I don't wake up? Oh, this is scary'," recalls Montag. "Then I thought, I don't care. If I don't wake up, it's worth it. I just wanted it so badly."

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