Did Justin Timberlake find himself in the middle of an "almighty brawl" following his performance with a gold jumpsuited Beyoncé at the Fashion Rocks event last week in New York? So claims the London Daily Mirror, which says "all hell broke loose" at the after-party when the crooner's bodyguard attempted to stop a woman from snapping his picture as he hung out in the VIP section. "It was mayhem," maintains a spywitness. "Justin narrowly missed being punched in the face when a fan tried to take a photo of him on her camera, and his minder kicked off, screaming at the girl and snatching the camera off her to delete the pic. A huge commotion broke out with the fan's male pals who tried to protect her." Among those who are said to have taken cover as champagne glasses and fists supposedly started flying were Mariah Carey and Timberlake's duet partner Beyoncé, who -- boulder of salt, people -- "shrieked in terror." The paper says the scrap ended with Justin's bodyguard getting the heave-ho.

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Teri Hatcher and daughter Emerson at the "American Idol" Season 7 Grand Finale

Teri Hatcher doesn't seem to have much of an edit button, and sometimes that's a good thing. In a piece penned for the October issue of British Glamour, the "Desperate Housewives" star ruminates on what sage advice she hopes to impart to 10-year-old daughter Emerson. "Ask me the most important information I'd pass on to my daughter, and I immediately imagine myself about to be run over by an oncoming train," she muses. "I'm frantically struggling to release the heel of my black Louboutin, which is stuck between the wood and metal grate, and I shout, 'Life's too short to stress; have great sex; eat the chocolate; you'll be able to get past anything difficult that comes your way; the sun will rise tomorrow; you are beautiful; you are lovable; don't sit on public toilet seats; make sure to floss ... and then SQUISH! That'd be it. I'd be floating around in my afterlife energy form, thinking, '[Bleep], I could have been more direct, more precise. That's not what I wanted my daughter to know, at all. What did I just say?!'" Teri then offers her top four pieces of wisdom for her tyke: Give love ("I tell my daughter that in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Treat others how you'd like to be treated. This is not original, but it is time-tested."); Be honest ("I think my daughter and I have a great relationship because I'm always honest with her."); Work hard ("To be successful, you have to work hard, whether it's to become a doctor, a painter, a dog walker or an actress."); Enjoy yourself ("Of course, no one actually wants to picture their daughter having sex, but when we do picture it, we hope it's with the fabulous man she marries and that it's a rocking, fabulous, uninhibited, experimental, crazy, open, trusting good time."). Concludes Hatcher, "So if I could try to pass on all that advice to her every single day, when the train eventually runs me down, I won't have to shout she will already have heard me."

So much for our theory that Nicolas Cage has been starring in one craptacular movie after another (the throwaway "Bangkok Dangerous" tanked at the weekend box office, despite coming in at No. 1) in order to expand his already impressive real estate portfolio. It appears he's doing just fine without the action fluff. The Los Angeles Times reports the hairdo-deficient Oscar winner (yep, it's hard to believe he won an Oscar) has listed his Bel Air estate for -- hold onto your hats -- $29,999,000. For that hard-to-process price, you get an 11,817-square-foot, nine-bedroom, nine-bath Tudor-style mansion with an Olympic-size pool, a wine cellar and a 35-seat movie theater. There are also bragging rights: The compound was previously owned by Dean Martin. Cage plunked down just $7 million for the pad in 1998, and he put it on the market in 2006 for $35 million before de-listing it last year (that $29,999,000 seems like a bargain now, right?). The actor is believed to be bunking -- presumably with wife Alice and son Kal-el -- in a 3,500-square-foot loft penthouse in Los Angeles. The top-floor digs come with 28-foot ceilings, exposed brick walls, hardwood floors, huge windows and a wraparound terrace, perfect for pacing back and forth as he adds up his real estate profits. Some of Cage's other holdings include a private island in the Bahamas and an 11th-century German castle.

In other unreal estate news, the London Sun says Emma "Hermione" Watson has invested some of her "Harry Potter" earnings in a ski chalet in France. The actress, who's all of 18, allegedly forked over nearly $1.8 million for the property, which is rumored to need some fixing up.

Next: Reunion Rumblings Hit Aniston & Pitt at Toronto Film Fest