Ever had that nightmare where you're walking down a busy street and you suddenly realize, "Holy crap, I'm not wearing pants!" For Britney Spears, it's no nightmare -- it's a dream come true.

The sense- and modesty-challenged tabloid topper, apparently miffed that Owen Wilson has been grabbing headlines that should rightfully be hers, decided to do some shopping in Beverly Hills, Calif., on Tuesday decked out in a floral shirt and no bottom, save for an unseen and eensy-weensy pink thong that had apparently ducked for cover.

Alarmingly, the ersatz mini-dress -- accented by Brit's go-to brown boots of fugliness -- did not have a "brain bleach required" warning across the hemline, which, much to the delight of paparazzi, hiked up far enough over her too often seen haunches to earn her a public indecency charge.

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Too bad there were no cops around to haul Spears in on jiggling heinie charges, although they did come to her aid earlier in the day, when her new Mercedes convertible ran out of gas while she was out cruising with Sean Preston, 23 months, and Jayden James, 11 months.

Fuel gauges are for the little people, y'all!

A gaggle of officers helped push the bodyguard-driven auto to a nearby pump, where a helpful shutterbug filled the tank.

The luxury car has been something of a police magnet, starting with her weekend traffic stop for erratic driving and culminating with a parking ticket issued a short time after her fanny flash.

Perhaps Spears simply couldn't see the parking signs or fuel warning light because she was having contact lens issues.

The crimped-wig, brown-eyed cautionary tale inexplicably sported a single blue contact, making her look a little like the attic-locked love child of David Bowie and Kate Bosworth.

Speaking of eyes, Britney has allegedly hired an extra pair to keep watch on her full-custody-seeking ex, Kevin Federline.

According to In Touch, she's retained the services of a private investigator, whose job is likely going to be that much harder now that the purported probe has been revealed.

Meanwhile, Entertainment Weekly reports Spears' endlessly delayed "comeback album" is ready to roll, possibly as early as next week, which would be just in time for her rumored performance -- with a possible assist from icky illusionist Criss Angel -- at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 9.

The first single is said to be "Gimme More," an "up-tempo club cut" that's the handiwork of producer Nate "Danjahandz" Hills, who's also worked with Brit's ex, Justin Timberlake, among others.

"People are going to love [the new single]," gushes an up-with-Spears source to EW. "It's like when Justin came back [with "FutureSex/LoveSounds"] -- she's got a whole new sound. She's funky."

Pipes in another equally confident insider, "It's a smash! She's going to come out strong. The only question is, with all the drama, are people going to want something fun or something more serious? This is a dance single."

While many view the comeback predictions with wariness (and you know who you are, and yes, we feel your pessimism -- deeply), stranger things have happened, like, for instance, K-Fed not only finding gainful employment, but also earning praise for his work ethic.

The former background dancer-turned-failed rapper proved he could do more than just spawn last week when he reported for guest-starring duty on "One Tree Hill," a turn that left executive producer Mark Schwahn impressed.

He tells Us Weekly that Federline arrived on the North Carolina set "very prepared," adding that he "seemed very humble and sweet to me -- hardworking and well-intentioned."

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