Aug. 8, 2007

It's pretty clear at this point that Britney Spears has plenty of issues. And it's likely the crumbling star will have a few more -- literally and figuratively -- after she picks up the latest Us Weekly, which delves into her purported evening of half-baked passion with a chatty and seemingly low-standard-having college kid.

"My Twisted Night with Brit," screams the cover of the mag. "Yes, it gets even worse. Topless, drunk and lonely, Spears seduces a college student in a hotel pool as Kevin rushes to save his boys."

The tabloid-dialing undergrad in question is one Matt Encinias, 21, whom the mag claims needed only five hours to get promoted from an extra in Britney's ill-fated, tear-stained pole-dancing video to her amour du jour.

Seems the mommy of Sean Preston, 22 months, and Jayden James, 10 months, invited the be-dimpled campus-dweller to join her and some hangers-on for a 2 a.m. swim in the rooftop pool at the Standard Downtown hotel in Los Angeles.

"Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed," the loose-lipped Encinias recounts to the magazine. "I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot."

In photos supposedly snapped on the night in question, Spears is seen in the pool sans shirt (but with giant sunglasses and a fedora covering her calamitously tangled coif), with the grinning student making skin-on-skin contact. Thankfully, no nipular flora is visible.

"... I was told all she wanted to do that night was kiss a boy," adds Encinias, who we're guessing isn't germ-phobic and doesn't scare easily. "And that's what she did. Mission accomplished."

Spears is also said to have channeled her onetime onstage smooching partner Madonna, but not, unfortunately, by mimicking her inexhaustible work ethic. Instead, she proposed that everyone play Truth or Dare.

"I was dared to get naked and get out of the pool and walk as though I was on a catwalk in a fashion show," recalls Encinias, evidently without the mortification such an anecdote should inspire. "Britney was laughing really hard."

Despite such less-than-sexy shenanigans, they allegedly engaged in some lip-on-lip action, with the London Sun quoting the effusive extra as saying Spears was a "phenomenal kisser."

"When I started kissing her I did everything in my power -- from my previous experience of kissing girls -- not to mess it up," he very oddly explains. "Her body was very nice. It was sexual and sensual kissing. It took some effort to perfect."

The buss stop eventually led to her hotel room, he says, although their alone-time was short-lived. According to Encinias, he failed to seal the deal because a bodyguard interrupted and ordered him to take care of a buddy who'd had one too many.

But it appears a brief pool encounter with an indiscreet young man isn't the only occasion Britney considers shirt-optional. She was feeling equally free-spirited a few months back while posing for Allure magazine, which features her on the front of its September issue.

"Britney showed up for Allure's cover shoot on time and ready to work," editor Linda Wells writes in the new issue. "She was entirely unselfconscious: She took off her wig and then stripped down to the waist, for no apparent reason, before sitting for hair and makeup."

And unlike her recent puppy poop- and grease-sullied OK! shoot, Spears was "agreeable and cooperative," says Wells, but "that was the last we saw of her ... she missed four appointments for an interview."

The cover, which was supposed to be yet another comeback-themed profile, instead morphed into a piece on the current state of stardom. The headline: "Britney Spears Tells Us Nothing and Everything."

Meanwhile, the Britster also lacked follow-through when it came to posing for promotional pics to accompany her forthcoming fragrance, Believe, says the New York Post.

(On a side note, does anyone really want to smell like Britney right now? Maybe it's just us, but eau de meltdown -- with its undertones of Marlboro Lights, dirty diapers and despair -- doesn't seem all that appealing.)

"She looked amazing, but she left the shoot three times in a state of distress before driving away for good," a spy tells the paper. "They had decent shots of her face, but not her body, so the art director made the stylist ... get in Britney's clothes and pose."

The source claims that for the final perfume packaging, they decided to paste Brit's head onto the stylist's bod, which is described as the figure she "used to have."

Not so, says cosmetics company Elizabeth Arden, which insists to "Access Hollywood" that Spears came back to finish the shoot and the immaculate, perfectly coiffed blonde waif featured in the spots is indeed her. 

"The only person in the national print ad for Britney's Believe fragrance is Britney Spears," declares a rep.

Too bad Spears can't seem to keep up the same fresh and flawless look in real life. 

On Tuesday night, she hit the town in butt cheek-revealing short-shorts, a see-through ruffled lace -- and we use this word charitably -- blouse and a leopard-print bra, an execrable ensemble she reportedly donned for a second video shoot hours earlier.

The day before, Brit dolled herself up in a silk dress and high heels for a trip to a vitamin store, where paparazzi were already conveniently waiting.

But alas, where Spears goes, drama and destruction tend to follow. As she pulled her convertible Mercedes into a parking spot, she clipped a neighboring Mercedes station wagon, much to the delight of the shutterbugs.

"I'm a brainiac," a pouty Britney told photogs from behind the wheel. "Sorry about that."

She flung open her car door to survey the damage -- and proceeded to clip the station wagon once again. The self-involved starlet then immodestly squatted down to inspect her vehicle but gave nary a glance to the other car, according to TMZ.com, which says she also failed to leave a note.

Finally, in a salacious tabloid tale we urge you to take with a heapin' boulder of salt, the cover of the latest Star tries to entice readers with this ooky headline: "Britney's shocking charge! Brit's mom and Kevin: Are they a couple?"

Go on, say it, we'll wait: Ick. Ick. Ick. And oy.

Anyhoo, a source alleges to the tab that a "confused" Britney has "accused" estranged mom Lynne of getting up close and personal with ex-hubby Kevin Federline "to hurt her feelings," a "terrible" charge that has left her mother "deeply hurt."

(Also, we'd just like to add: Ick.)

"Her apparent paranoia about her mother and Kevin seems to be a product of her current mental state," diagnoses the mole, who brushes off the ewww-inspiring hookup allegation. "All that Lynne and Kevin hope for right now is that Britney will start seeing a therapist to get to the root of her issues, instead of wildly blaming others for her insecurities."

Video: 'Big Debate': Has Brit lost it?

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