July 19, 2007

Of the many brain-bleach-inducing images we had hoped never to be subjected to again, Britney Spears' exposed posterior ranks somewhere between Tara Reid's Franken-nipple and Lindsay Lohan's well-manicured lady parts.

Alas, the spiraling, matted-maned mommy of two made another stop on her return trip to Meltdown-ville on Wednesday by revealing her derriere and underwear to obliging paparazzi.

After reportedly spending the day househunting, Brit impulsively decided to hit the beach in Malibu, Calif., stripping down to her hot pink bra and -- eek! -- translucent-when-wet panties for a dip at sunset, with several of her shutterbug pals joining her in the water to get the money shots.

The highlight (or lowlight, depending on your Brit fatigue) of the sand-and-surf exhibition came when one of her bodyguards gave her a lift over some jagged rocks.

The burly minder held Spears in one arm and swung her just purchased Yorkie puppy in the other, a balancing act that left her dress hoisted to her hips and her not-quite-blushing cheeks on full display.

When not engaged in increasingly pitiable cries for attention, Spears is apparently attempting to get her career out of mothballs.

Us Weekly reports she plans to shoot a music video on Thursday, ostensibly for a new song called "Get Back" (that sound you hear? It's every Beatles fan in the world loudly groaning in unison).

The video, Spears' first in two years, comes on the heels of a New York Post report that claims she's decided to serve as her own manager and publicist.

"She is doing all of her own business now," maintains an insider.

The control-taking cautionary tale, who in recent months has cut ties with manager Larry Rudolph and mom Lynne, also just signed on to host a grand-opening party later this month for the new LAX hot spot at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas.

No word on how she plans to handle her PR duties, although we're breathlessly awaiting the first statement that uses her old standby excuse, "We're country."

Meanwhile, Brit's ex Kevin Federline may be on the hunt for gainful employment (and with an impressive resume chockablock with experience ranging from "failed rapper" to "overly fertile househusband," what company wouldn't want such a young go-getter?).

Us Weekly reports the monosyllabic father of four, 29, had a sit-down with the program director of Los Angeles radio station KIIS-FM in hopes of landing an on-air gig.

"I know he's going to do some stuff at a station -- he had an interview at KIIS," a Federline insider tells the mag. "He's in talks to be a DJ on KIIS."

But a seemingly concerned station staffer downplays the possibility of morning drive-time with Federline, labeling the talks "informal."

Still, the source concedes, "He really wants to be on radio. He's made that clear."

In other K-Fed news, his long-rumored plans for a post-Britney reality show may be moving closer to fruition. In Touch says he's currently trying to find a buyer for the project, which we're assuming would chronicle him changing diapers and burning through his divorce settlement.

Federline's sudden ambitious streak follows months of lying low -- a smart move in light of his almost-ex-wife's noggin-shaving, umbrella-wielding, flesh-flashing and mommy-serving antics.

Speaking of which, Star claims Britney's very public delivery of a letter warning her mother to keep away from sons Sean Preston, 22 months, and Jayden James, 10 months, was precipitated by a slap scrap.

The mag alleges that on the weekend of June 15, Lynne popped by Britney's back-on-the-market Beverly Hills estate to see her grandkids, a surprise social call that didn't sit well with her daughter.

"Lynne barged into the house and insisted on taking the kids out to spend some private time with them. She didn't ask or suggest, she demanded!" fumes a fly-on-the-wall insider. "Then, she began denigrating Britney's mothering skills and losing her temper at the same time!"

(And yes, the use of the word "denigrating" rules out Britney as the unnamed source.)

The spy asserts that when Spears announced that "there was no way she would allow her kids to go with their grandmother," her mom supposedly "lost control" and "slapped her."

But another confidante attests to Mama Spears' devotion to her troubled offspring, telling the tab, "Lynne cares deeply for Britney and wants to find a way to help her."

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