Is Jessica Simpson's newly gym-toned tuchis getting admiring looks from Hollywood's dreamiest pair of baby blues? In what is either a serious case of wishful thinking or further evidence that Cupid has truly terrible aim, the New York Daily News says vague rumblings emerged from Los Angeles last week that the waning warbler was planning a "romantic rendezvous" with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Uh-huh.

It seems local shutterbugs were helpfully clued in that the John Mayer-less Jess and the newly Reese Witherspoon-free actor "have a crush on each other" and it would be wise to keep their cameras at the ready in case of a tête-à-tête.

Alas, proof of an assignation has yet to materialize, which isn't surprising given that Gyllenhaal's ostensible three-month romance with Witherspoon was never captured on camera.

Meanwhile, in less far-fetched news, the paper says Jessica's forthcoming "Working Girl" rip-off "Blonde Ambition" has turkey written all over it, a conclusion that was clear to anyone unlucky enough to have watched the trailer, in which Simpson is out-acted by her curly bobbed wig.

Jessica's dad-manager-string-puller Joe Simpson, who produced the comedy, has reportedly bumped the pic's premiere twice.

"First, the release date was set for Aug. 3, and then it was delayed until the last week of August," a snitch tells the paper. "Papa Joe then intervened and said he wasn't comfortable with the level of competition from other films that month."

And what surefire smashes does the flick, which co-stars a desperately-in-need-of-a-new-agent Luke Wilson, face during the last week of August? Let's see, there's Rob Zombie's "Halloween" redo, the ping pong-themed "Balls of Fury" and some Kevin Bacon revenge drama we've never heard of titled "Death Sentence."

Meanwhile, another insider alleges the would-be thespian had difficulty channeling her wide-eyed blonde bombshell character.

"Jessica was not very focused on-set and flubbed her lines often," the source tells the paper. "She always had her dog around, was on the phone with [then-] boyfriend John Mayer or was sitting in a warmed-up SUV."

Perhaps Simpson will have better luck on her upcoming "Private Benjamin" rip-off "Major Movie Star," in which she plays against type by starring as someone with an actual big-screen career (her character joins the army and hilarity, theoretically at least, ensues).

On Friday, the stacked starlet sent an exclamation point-packed letter to her fan club expressing excitement for the project.

"I have been working my butt off trying to get in shape physically and mentally for 'Major Movie Star,' " she writes. "Looks like I gotta go join the Army!! Everything in life is an experience and I am really looking forward to this one!!"

Simpson also reveals she's "obsessed" with the Wreckers' "Stand Still, Look Pretty" album, which she says "represents everything going on in my life right now and I just can't stop listening to it."

While it's unclear exactly which part of the album sums up her current state of mind, we're going to go out on a limb and reckon it might be the title track.

Among the ditty's loaded lyrics: "I want to paint my face and pretend that I am someone else/Sometimes I get so fed up I don't even wanna look at myself/But people have problems that are worse than mine/I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time ... I am slowly falling apart/I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start/You might think it's easy being me/You just stand still, look pretty."

Next: Romance Report: Kate & Pete on the Outs Again