Dec. 3, 2007

People, let's set the Wayback Machine for one year ago this week, when a newly Kevin Federline-free Britney Spears marked her 25th birthday on Dec. 2 with a Letter of Truth. In it, she (or one of her then-handlers) conceded she'd taken her "newfound freedom a little too far"; praised the new lady part-protecting offerings from Victoria's Secret; and bubbled, "I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me! I'm just getting started."

Boy, she wasn't kidding about the last part.

Cut to the present and the pregnancy-denying, delayed-adolescence-having pop calamity has lost her kids, her hair and seemingly her sense of reality.

On the plus side, when she rang in her 26th birthday a little bit early Saturday night with a motley crew that included hangers-on Alli Sims and Sam Lutfi and frenemy Paris Hilton, she was, in fact, wearing undies, which she flashed several times for the paparazzi (hey, baby steps, folks).

Brit's birthday suit: shortest dress, highest heels -- and the longest lasting gum a girl with an oral fixation can find.

The impromptu celebration took place at a Sharon Stone-hosted soiree at the Scandinavian Style Mansion in Bel Air, Calif., a locale set up to promote swanky products from a part of the world Britney has likely never heard of.

The gifts flowed fast and furiously for the black lace minidress-bedecked mommy of two, who was presented with a $10,000 diamond, gold and enamel ring and $4,000 worth of Barito sunglasses (per the New York Daily News, which also maintains she "downed drink after drink").

She also happily sported a $7,000 (per Us Weekly) Abominable Snowman-esque white fur coat from Berglund of Copenhagen (feel free to insert your own "There's something rotten in Denmark" joke here).

"She was very calm, nice, friendly," designer Katya Berglund informed the mag. "I know she's had some bad times here, but I think she looked really great."

All totaled, Spears reportedly made off with about $30,000 in fur and leather outerwear, although Sweden's Aftonbladet newspaper alleges she purloined the jackets, and quotes Berglund as saying she'll just consider them a birthday gift (in Spears' defense, there's video showing a company rep handing her the white fur, along with a brown one for Alli).

Brit's extensions pray she gets a little closer and finally puts an end to their suffering.

The company was probably kicking itself for not waiting to give the stain-susceptible former starlet the pristine pelt until after she cut into her birthday cake, which was a sad, small, chocolate frosting-smeared confection that was served on cardboard with day-old-looking raspberries on top, a picture-perfect metaphor for her year that was.

After she was serenaded with "Happy Birthday," a gleeful Brit leaned over and blew out the candles. No word on her birthday wish, but it apparently wasn't the same as ours, since her willfully horrific hair extensions failed to go up in flames.

"She was smiling and looked really happy," an eyewitness tells OK!.

About 90 minutes after Spears made her entrance, Paris Hilton caused a commotion as she swanned into the bash. And while much has happened to both tabloid staples since they first became photo op friends this time last year, little, it seems, has changed.

"Paris drank in the attention," a spy tells the magazine. "Posing for the camera and eating it up."

And despite rumors of a birthday showdown with Spears, Hilton stuck by her side, even joining her for a few pictures on the balcony of the Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills -- the paparazzi foot flattener's home away from home -- in the early hours of Sunday morning.

After pulling an all-nighter, the Britster managed to rouse herself to spend some time on her big day with sons Sean, 2, and Jayden, 1 (and the court-appointed monitor, of course).

In pics snapped on Sunday, she can be seen walking alongside two women as one pushes the tykes in a plastic wagon that they've likely worn a butt groove in from sitting in it so much.

Meanwhile, did Brit try to convince Federline to join her in celebrating her birthday?

So claims the New York Post, with a source saying she called her ex from Hilton's phone Saturday night "because she could not find her own. She begged him to come out with her."

But, recounts the snitch, "She got annoyed when Kevin reminded her that one of them needed to be a parent and take care of the boys. Then she hung up on him. Kevin said she was drinking."

Next: Jessica Puckers Up With Tony, Denies Puffy Lips