Pretend for a moment you're Britney Spears (hey, quit shrieking and yanking out your hair extensions in horror). Your every move is under scrutiny as you battle Kevin Federline over custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, but you feel the need to buy a new car. What do you do? If you answered, "Pick out a roomy, family-friendly ride with video screens to keep the tykes entertained while you shop for chandeliers," you haven't been paying attention. TMZ.com tagged along on Wednesday as the self-destructing tabloid topper -- sporting a see-through white turtleneck and hot pink bra that screamed, "I drive a hard bargain, y'all!" -- zoomed out of a Los Angeles Mercedes dealership in a sleek white SL65, which just happens to be a two-seater. Granted, Brit-Brit has plenty of other pricey cars to drive her boys aimlessly around in (including her dinged-up, plastic pumpkin-covered convertible), and besides, they probably wouldn't appreciate the $180,000-plus luxury vehicle, what with its paparazzi- and pedestrian-worrying 604-horsepower engine.

Keira Knightley is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside a really prickly enigma. The streamlined stunner has once again slipped into her itchiest pair of crankypants for an interview, this time for the December issue of Elle. Some of the things currently causing the self-described "moody bastard" consternation: cell phones ("I hate them. It rings and then I realize that I don't want to talk to anyone. So I always press ignore"); adorableness ("I hate cute, I've always hated cutesy. My mom used to ban the word cute. Absolutely banned"); and overly saccharine love stories ("I'm a total romantic -- I love romantic films. But I don't like being raped by sugar").

Jennifer Garner hugs a Boston Red Sox mascot prior to the start of their baseball game against the New York Yankees in Boston on June 2.

On the opposite end of the celebrity sit-down spectrum is the always-sunny Jennifer Garner, who happily cops to occasionally acting like a "huge dork." "Trust me, I can be awkward. I tend to make big gestures," concedes Mrs. Affleck in the December issue of Glamour. "Ben and I went to a Red Sox game, and when the mascot came up to us, I hugged it. The pictures showed up everywhere. Ben and I were both like, 'Ooh, too big of a gesture.' Why did I have to hug the sock? Just say hello like a normal person."

Was Kim Cattrall a mite too forthcoming about why she eventually decided to revisit her AARP-approved vamp role in "Sex and the City: The Movie"? "It will be nice to step into Samantha's shoes again, but I'm only doing it for the money," she's quoted as telling Reveal magazine (via the London Daily Mail). "When I made a stand about not being in the movie because I thought the money was terrible, there was a backlash of very negative things from some of my co-stars. The role is very much a double-edged sword."

Next: Fabio Taunts Clooney: 'Stop Being a Diva'